We don't DO Tuesdays, Jarvis
by PapaDenDen
Summary: " We don't DO Tuesdays, Jarvis." He croaked, trying to get hold of his hangover as he awaited the response. " Of course, Sir. But Mister Rogers seems to think his matter to be of an emergency." Tony/ Steve fic. Lots of categories involved, Multi-chapters, including a small amount of angst. Some form of Smut in every chapter. Enjoy ! o Uo Alternating chapters from Tony/Steve POV.
1. Seriously, guys?

_My first Fic. Okej- Stony not established yet- post break up with Pepper. I wanted to go through the angst of the break up and build the relationship more with that. Plus I like building things._

Sexual tension is fun.

Cock blocking is also fun. *COUGH*Clint*COUGH.* Hints of other relationships. But until then, enjoy some extremely hungover Stark. Read, Review, Rate, what evs! At least ONE review and I'll make chapter two. o Uob I take requests. Maybe. If they're good. Enjoy!

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_Knock, knock, knock. _Anthony Stark lifted a hand to his head and groaned. Who in their right mind would be disturbing him at this hour? Tony pressed well-worked and calloused fingertips into his dark locks, intertwining them as he tried to comprehend exactly where he was at the moment. If he could figure out what hour it was, hell. He'd be golden. He'd have to get the location first. His lips felt cracked and dry, and his head spun as he worked his muscles to help him sit up, using his free hand in an attempt to sit up an upright position. Then the world seemed to protest by reacting wildly, and Tony let himself flop rather heavily back down onto what ever it was that he'd been sleeping on. The knock on the door seemed to get a tiny bit louder, and Tony licked his lips, huffing softly and trying to get the world to calm its ever-flailing tits.

" JARVIS?" He called; his voice cracked, and he realized the first thing he wanted to do was get some water. Water- that godly creation. That wondrous, superb liquid-

" Sir?" Called Jarvis from, well, whatever speaker he was using at the moment. And Tony perked up with relief at the sound of his beautiful, manly butler voice.

" What _day _is it?" He croaked, trying to get hold of his hangover as he awaited the response.

" Its Tuesday, Sir." Tony made a face at this- though with his eyes firmly shut for fear of bright lights and the calamities that would ensue from the exposure.

" We don't DO Tuesdays, Jarvis." He called back, completely displeased with the fact that he now had someone hammering on his door. Or at least, the door to where ever it was that he had crashed for the evening, anyways.

" Of course, Sir. But Mister Rogers seems to think his matter to be of an emergency." Tony groaned again, this time a little bit more dramatically. The hand in his locks seemed to clench, and he felt his fingers tug at his roughly tousled hair, as the knocking sounded yet again-

" Get him to go away." Tony panicked, trying to pick up the pieces of what exactly was going on.

" I'm sorry, Sir. I've already tried that. However, Mister Rogers simply insists that he must see you." Jarvis responded, an almost genuine sympathy running through his voice. Tony scolded himself for programming him so well and tried to get his water-starved brain to work.

" Did you try telling him that I'm working on something for the company, that one always works on-"

" Yes, Sir. I already have. Mister Rogers says it's got something to do with the Avengers Initiative." Tony could physically feel his stomach drop at this. Or, wait- either that, or he was going to throw up. He was pretty sure it was the latter. Biting back the nausea, Tony threw himself into a full frontal panic, he'd have to get to that door, and soon, without throwing up all over the floor on the way there. Pretty soon Steve would think something was wrong, the poor misguided big guy would then break down the door in some sort of attempt at saving Tony's life. And it wouldn't be the first time Tony had just refused to get up due to a ridiculous hang over. Tony tried to stand, and found himself yet again being slammed with another dizzy spell.

"Jarvis!" He hissed, and bless that AI, because right at that moment Tony heard an electronic _click _that meant the door had unlocked itself. Which also mean that Tony was still in his tower, or at least somewhere else with expensive electronic locks. Well, whatever the case was, he wasn't really too concerned about anything but getting some water back down his throat. His arms were barely working with him as he sluggishly felt the area around him- his hands felt the cold, hard surface beneath him, half traced the indents and lines in it before pretty soon he was practically feeling up the air.

" Tony?" A voice called from the door, and Tony gave a defeated grunt in response. He heard some shuffling, the sound of something big and heavy being moved, the sound of bottles being half kicked across the floor as Steve made his way through the sea of empty alcoholic beverage containers to get at his goal.

" Why are you sleeping on your bench?" Tony froze- Oh. _Oh._ So THAT'S where he was. Yeah, that would make more sense. The last thing he clearly remembered was coming down the stairs with a fresh six pack in hand to work on some adjustments to the suit's propulsion systems. He'd wanted to make the energy output more efficient after he'd ran out of power a few times in the last jaunt he'd had. After he'd run out of the beer, he'd sent for some more. And after that- well, the images just kept getting hazier and hazier. He'd been vivaciously tinkering with something. That much he knew, but what it was he definitely couldn't tell you. Still- passing out on his own workbench? Tony wouldn't be able to live that down. Not with Steve, anyways. So he took to clearing his throat and instead motioned with his fingers for Jarvis to come bring him a cup of water. Hell, if he did all the little things himself, he'd never have any time to work.

" Well, obviously there was no where else to sleep. And I'm certainly not sleeping next to the old reactor. The radiation it emits is absolutely dreadful for one's skin, and I-" Tony was cut off by a small sound that the Cap made in the back of his throat as he arrived next to Tony. And Tony faintly wondered why it was Cap had been allowed to trespass on Tony's sacred working territory anyways.

" We've got a problem-"

Oh. That's why.

"And as much as you enjoy spending over thirty six hours down here doing..". Steve paused- crinkling his nose at both the mess and the scatter of strange parts and objects all around.

" What ever it is that you were doing. We're under attack, and we need your technical expertise. Asap." His voice was urgent, and Tony felt his stomach drop for the second time that day. Oh, Wonderful. Why couldn't they ever do anything technical by themselves for a change? Fury was probably well aware of the 'No Tuesdays' ban, but it seemed as though he was more than willing to ignore it as Tony finally got his cup of water handed too him by his faithful robotic friend. Tony couldn't help it- he let out a groan of pleasure and snatched it, brining it up to his lips so fast he spilled a bit onto himself. But at that moment his didn't care, taking the whole damn thing nearly in one gulp. He could practically feel Steve's impatience radiating off of him as he finished his cup and started to flutter his eyes open a bit.

" What? Can't you just send a drone out? I'm sure one of my robots could figure something out for you—"

" It broke the drones."

" What about sending one in with Jarvis-"

" It broke that one, too. Before Jarvis could finish scanning." Tony whistled through his lips and allowed his eyes to open a bit wider, looking up at the disheveled golden boy through half lidded eyes. It had looked as if Cap had stepped directly out of battle-which must have been the case, considering he was banged up beyond that of a normal training scuffle with Thor. His normally well-kept hair was lying rather haphazardly in all directions; his normally clean, chiseled face was speckled with dirt and what appeared to be blood. Damn, if that was the case, then things couldn't be good. Not that Tony cared any.

" Then what do you want me to do about it? Just use those muscles of yours for once, Cap. I'm sure if you punch it in the face it'll decide to behave nicely." Tony stated simply- using his moment of shocked and choked silence from the Captain to take a moment to look around. His tools were scattered everywhere, most of them mingled on the floor amongst the empty bottles and old bags of what appeared to be burgers. He was just about to roll over, when something unusual caught his eye. Wait, that particular tool was only used for—

" Tony!" Steve cried- clear annoyance and impatience littering his voice as he glowered down at the currently preoccupied man.

" This isn't a suggestion- it's an order-"

" What IS that?" Tony interrupted, shooting out his left hand to grab something about the size of a Kleenex box from directly beside him. He picked up the smaller device- it was made of the same alloy he used to make the inner armor of his suit. Not only that, but the colors were the same. His classic colors- why would he do that? Was it an extension to his suit? Apparently Jarvis could read his mind, because he piped up instantly.

" You weren't exactly too sure, Sir. You said something about it being able to make everyone life 'a lot easier'. Though I have scanned it multiple times during it's production, and it does not appear to be compatible with your suit." Tony frowned and brought his spare hand up to rub his temple while he deeply examined the small, square device. There seemed to be some sort of port- as well as some external processors. Something with that much miniature processing power couldn't be good.

" So did I happen to mention what it does while I was building it, Jarvis? Or-"

" TONY!" And just like that- suddenly Cap was on him faster than he could yell about it- seeing as the surprised noise that fell past his lips was only about half way out when Steve had picked him up by the collar of his shirt and thrust him upwards. Tony couldn't help but stare into those blue eyes, completely mystified for a moment as his jaw hung slightly ajar. Though Tony was even more of a mess than Steve, at least Steve had a legitimate reason to be all mussed up. Then again, being hung over was just as good an excuse as any. Which reminded him.

" I don't do Tuesdays." He replied, finally tearing his gaze from the burning blue orbs.

" Tony," Steve hissed quietly.

" You'll have to make an appointment with Pepper," He continued, placing the small rectangular mystery object back onto the table carefully.

" STARK." Steve hissed, shaking him a little, and Tony faintly guessed he was tired of saying his name by now. But that didn't deter the man one bit.

" Thursdays are almost acceptable. I do Wednesdays, and perhaps weekends if you ask nicely. Though I do think I am all booked up this weekend- you'll have to ask Pepper. Oh, maybe you can get me out of that boring conference on-" Steve brought him up and nearly lifted him full off the table- making Tony huff out a response of discomfort.

" Suit up." The tone of Steve's voice made Tony waver- and he silently cursed every living thing that had been involved in getting Steve down into his workshop. Which would mostly just consist of cursing Fury as he brought a hand up to at the blonde's rather muscular hands.

" Alright big guy. But we're stopping to take a piss on the way. There's no way I'm doing this road trip without a single stop. Might as well hit up some food, while were at it. Or, no- better yet, lets go to the drug store and get some pepto bism-"

And with that he was forcefully dragged from the table and practically thrown into a standing position, which only ended up making his head swirl uneasily.

This was going to be. The longest. Tuesday. Ever.

There was a reason why Tony didn't do Tuesdays. It was a simple reason, but it made sense to him. Mondays. Who likes Mondays? Nobody. They were annoying, and tiring, and just after the weekend- what with all the partying and free reign he had during the night. Sunday was a big party night, considering on Saturday he usually had to spend his time with stockholders and investors. Boring old farts that certainly weren't any fun. And he only had a few hours to tinker during the night on Saturday evenings, so he reserved all his partying for the following Sunday. Because all the fun people came out to play on Sundays whilst the rest of the world went to church. All the people who would gladly sleep with one of the richest men in the world, and most of them jumped at the chance. And when Tony went out to party, it usually lasted the day, the night, and the following day and night after that. What? Everyone needed an ACTUAL weekend, and Tony thought the two worst days of the week were the best to sacrifice to the noble cause.

Speaking of sacrificing, he hadn't even gotten to take a trip to the bathroom. Steve had made him suit up so fast that he'd nearly gotten a dizzy spell. And he'd even had to lower the volume and redirect the power to the ambient noise redactor in his suit to compensate for a headache that would have split the earth itself. Not only that, but the sheer wonder of what it was that he'd created whilst being utterly intoxicated for the last two days was beginning to get him. So even as he floated, some a hundred feet up in the air over a random and now decimated street of Manhattan, all he could think about was what it could possibly be.

" What if it's a bomb, Jarvis. As much as I hate to say it, Dad made some of his worst Weapons of Mass Destruction when he was off his rocker." Tony mumbled into the private comm link with Jarvis, and Jarvis just sent him an alert tone in response, declaring that he had a projectile coming at him from the east. Tony took a nosedive and then pulled up yet again, narrowly dodging the vehicle that had been thrown his way. Jarvis fell silent- and Tony knew he was scanning the strange almost insect like machine that was now wreaking havoc on the streets. It's enormous mandibles wrapped themselves around another vehicle- shooting lasers out of the end of it's antennas as well. It looked like a horrid, ugly cross between a spider and a wasp of some sort, and Tony found himself rolling his eyes with impatience as it threw another car his way- absolutely enraged. Though Tony could understand why; Jarvis had finished scanning it's outer layers and had notified Tony of a weakness within the joints of its wings, which Tony had subsequently just shot off, sending the creature into a grounded rage.

" I do not think that would be it, Sir. You said something about it having the utmost of practical uses. " Jarvis spoke, and Tony glanced at his screens, pulling himself up another few hundred yards to clear another vehicle. Couldn't it throw anything else?

" Then what else could it be?" He noted, completely exasperated as the Bumble Arachnid figured out that it could pick up telephone booths, too. Doctor Who would be so disappointed when he found out. Tony just barely managed to pull a rather awkward aerial dodge, having his right arm clipped in the process. He winced at the sound of metal crunching on metal, and a small snapping that came afterwards. That could not be good.

" The cooling systems to the right side of your suit, including your right and left leg have been damaged, Sir. I suggest immediate repair and action being taken in order to prevent the overheating of the system." Tony silently cursed to himself and pivoted around in the air, taking shelter behind a rather tall building.

" I don't have the time for that, Jarvis. Finish scanning this thing already and we wont have to worry about burning out." Tony heard a small beep from the corner of his speakers and nearly rolled his eyes, picking up on the call. Damn- everyone just wanted to make his head ache worse, huh?

" Stark!" Natasha's voice boomed into the system, and it was a good thing she wasn't around, because the anger in her voice made Tony shrink back and wince.

" Yes?" He replied simply, he never liked to play the sarcastic game with THIS lady. The Black Widow had her name for a reason, and Tony wasn't about to find out first hand.

" Get your head in the game!" He rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder and past the wall of the building, peaking his head out from behind the corner. Just as he did a rather mangled bicycle was thrown his way, and Tony instinctively lifted his arm and watched as the metal crashed against it.

" Watch the paint!" He yelled into his external speakers and retrieved a few ugly clicking and shrieking noises in response. Jesus. Everything was out for him today.

" Take a note, Jarvis. I HATE Tuesdays."

" Noted, Sir." Good, Tony thought. And he quickly darted from behind his hiding spot and slipped in behind another. If he kept still for too long he'd get discovered by the damn thing and it would come up snapping at his heels.

" Jarvis, how much longer?" Tony asked, annoyed.

" Sir, it has a disrupter frequency. The time it would take to scan it would be greatly decreased if you could get closer to the subject in question."

" How much closer?" Tony barked, eyes widening at the thought of getting any closer than touching the giant thing with a ten-foot pole.

" Half a Meter away should do it, Sir." Tony slapped his hand to his forehead, slightly glad that he'd developed his armor to take good hits from itself.

He groaned.

" How long would it take if I got that close then, Jarvis?" He asked, panicking. He was going to throw up soon. And he was tired, and thirsty, and in desperate need of a good shower. This couldn't go on for much longer before Tony just quit and opted out.

" Three minutes and thirty seven seconds, Sir." Three minutes. So all Tony had to do was hold it off for three minutes. Okay, he could do that. He looked down at it, apparently Natasha had sent a few missiles its way, and it was now shaking off the debris of the blows with a rather offended look upon its face. Or at least, Tony THOUGHT that was its face.

" Get me Natasha." He said, making his decision as Jarvis connected them.

" Did you figure it out?" Called Natasha, avoiding a few more shots of lasers and turning the ship at an ungodly angle.

" Yes. Stop shooting at it. And what ever you do, don't come near it. No matter what happens. " He stated simply, adjusting his height by climbing a bit and turning to face it directly.

" I don't like the sound of that, Tony, what ever you're planning-"

" Sorry, dear. But I'm not really in the mood for Tuesdays."

" What-" Tony hung up the call and silenced the rather livid Russian woman before he dove directly for that thing's face. Probably not the best idea- but it was better than getting hit by that stupid gooey stuff it was shooting out from behind. Some sort of refuse- something that would surely clog up his ventilation systems. So he opted instead for the giant, man-crushing mandibles. Oh, Goody. And diving from that angle? Yeah, Tony should have thought that through a bit more. Because the head rush that it induced was so brutal it sent him in a half spiral downwards, and he gasped out as the thing's mandibles opened wide- he was heading straight for them.

" Tony!" Cap was yelling from, well, somewhere. Tony had turned off his comm, but apparently Cap was somewhere nearby, and was clearly displeased with Tony's last minute decision. The yell had distracted Tony, and just as he was about to re-connect the comm and tell Cap NOT to rush into things he felt something come crashing down on all sides. His comm reconnected just at that moment, and he was pretty sure that the majority of his Teammates got the rather unpleasant crunch of the metal and the harsh whisk of the oxygen leaving Tony's body. The thing cracked down; and Tony could hear all the alarms he could have possibly made go off in his helmet. He managed to take a few gulps of air and sucked down the pain long enough t speak.

" All…. part of the plan." He wheezed- hearing a rather unpleasant POP come from his chest as the plate decided it wanted to start sinking in. He could probably bet that they could hear those noises soon, too. He silently counted down the seconds in his mind, hoping that those three minutes would go by fast enough for him to survive this whole mess. Though a fleeting and rather frightening thought crossed his mind for a brief moment; what if the thing managed to actually crush through his suit and wrecked his Reactor? No. He couldn't think things like that. But he had to admit- it was getting tighter, hotter, and harder to breathe, and pretty soon he was gasping out into the comm- or at least- what was left of it. For a rather loud crunch could be heard and the soft alarm of the commsystem going offline. Tony, for a moment, thought he would be crushed. Crushed by a Giant, Bee Turtle- no, Bee Spider thing. See? He couldn't even think straight.

And for fuck sakes. What in the hell did he create last night? It was driving him crazy, and he faintly wished that his final thoughts would be on something a little less… Annoying.

" Sir." Jarvis garbled out from the one speaker that was left intact- " I've finished scanning for its weak points. Its main source of power is just below its neck, approximately three meters below your current position and twenty degrees to the left." Tony wanted to let out a cry of joy- but unfortunately he was a little strapped for both time and air as he wiggled around where he was pinned and decided his only course of action. He shifted a bit- twisting his palms upwards at a rather odd angle and giving his repulsor cannons one last boost before he knew he'd burn out. The world seemed to blank as the force of the cannons sent him reeling closer to the ground with the Bug-turtle-Bee in tow, before he pulled back his right leg and aimed for the spot Jarvis had told him about. Only one shot, and to be frank, Tony wasn't really too keen on dying on a Tuesday. So he kicked at the damn thing as hard as he could, slamming his foot into the metal and hearing the crunch of what was hopefully the thing's weak spot and not the outer shell of his boot.

Tony wasn't too sure about all of what happened next. He had a sort of mini black out, and one moment he was sailing to the ground with a huge fucking ant- bee-turtle- thing falling on top of him, the next there was a rather boisterous flash of green and a sound that nearly split his ear drums as the thing went flying off of him. Tony had just barely managed to crack his helmet and allow some air to slip in as it slid off. Okay, he had some air, but his suit was crushing his chest, and he wasn't too sure how much longer he'd managed to stay awake before everything just decided to quit. Again, a small lapse in memory, because one minute the Hulk was standing above him, the next Clint was shrieking like a mad man next to him, pulling at the jammed emergency release levers all around his mark seven.

" SHIT STARK. WHAT THE FUCK-" Clint's voice sounded like he was trying to yell at him through water, so Tony chose to ignore it and turn towards the sky instead.

What in the bloody fuck did he make last night?

Wait, there was the sound of something ripping. Like, metal being broken. Tony turned his gaze hazily back down to himself and choked- Cap. Cap was on him for the second time today. Except this time he had a look of utter horror and determination on his face.

' Oh god, don't let him touch my-" CRACK. Steve had completely torn off the emergency lever- how did they know about that anyways? Tony wanted to cry. He really did. It would take weeks to repair the damage to the upper body and components of his armor, but now Cap was tearing away at the pieces, ripping his suit off him like it was some sort of wrapping around a gift.

' WAIT, THAT'S NOT BROKEN-' Tony tried to yell, but his voice came out in nothing but a horrified whimper- and, oh, no. Tony Stark did NOT whimper. He was too manly and masculine for that, so he tried for a growl instead. But it had gotten lost as suddenly the weight on his chest lifted and he could breathe again. Oh, air; beautiful, wonderful oxygen. Those molecules felt absolutely orgasmic as his lungs sucked them in rather forcefully, and Tony found himself able to focus again. And focus he did. Unfortunately it just happened to be on Cap's face, which was dangerously close to his. Tony's eyes widened as he found himself yet again lost in those blue orbs, with his mouth ajar and panting like a dog in heat. Wait. Did he seriously just make that analogy? Bad Tony. No. It was the lack of Oxygen getting to his brain, yes. That was it. It wasn't because he found himself drawn to those- wait, was Cap's uniform ripped? Tony found his gaze wandering to the beltline of Captain America and pausing for a moment too long. Cap has some serious muscle definition, but even Tony found himself shocked when he saw that V definition that led straight down to the other man's groin, probably coming to a point right at his-

" Tony!" Cap cried- hands going down to start tearing away at the lower pieces of his armor, apparently aiming for his stomach regions. That was about when Tony lost it, color hitting his cheeks in a flustered mess as he ripped his gaze way from Cap's lower half and forced his eyes to focus on his face.

" That's not broken!" He finally managed to get out, but it came out in a quick squeak, and Tony wanted to physically stand up and kick himself. Seriously- how did he have muscles that big right there? What were those things even called again, he'd learned it some time ago. He could have sworn that he did-

" FUCK SAKES STARK." Clint. Oh, good. Clint comes in to save the day. Tony sent a quick smile at them all, before he forced himself to roll over and ignored the pain of bruised- and probably cracked- ribs. It wasn't like he hadn't had extreme chest pain before. So he put his arms to the cracked and debris littered pavement, pushed Steve away, albeit lightly, and forced himself back onto his feet. Though truth be told his suit felt heavy as all shit, and Tony wasn't too pleased about having to stand up right away. But he couldn't take a breather here. If it seemed like he was in trouble, then they'd make him go see a doctor. And Tony had too much of a hangover to deal with that. He just wanted to head home and assess the damage himself. So he half limped, half stomped away from the scene. He wasn't going to take this. He'd damn well take a cab home before he listened to what these people had to say to him. It was always the same fucking thing, and to hell with that on a Tuesday.

" Where do you think YOU'RE going?" Natasha cried from behind him.

…

_ABORT MISSION. ABORT._

Tony sipped at his hot drink, relishing in the way the Sake burned his throat as it went down. Yeah, okay. Maybe the not-so-best-thing for a hangover was alcohol, but Tony found that at least one steaming cup of the hot, Japanese alcohol would send him into a deeper sleep after a rather rough day. And had his day been rough. Tony grumbled a bit, flexing his muscles and wincing at the stabbing pain in his chest. Jarvis had told him he'd managed to crack two ribs and bruise practically all the rest, so he was out of commission for a couple of days. Or at least, that's what Jarvis had suggested to him. But it wasn't like he was going to listen. He had too much shit to do- no one realized just how long it would take to repair the damages to his suit. Granted, his latest model DID come in sections, which was always easier to repair and handle. But still. And if that weren't enough- Natasha had made a huge deal about him attempting to 'commit suicide.' That wasn't it at all. He'd patiently tried to explain on the way back while Bruce- who'd just changed into some actual clothes after going green and hulky- was trying to examine his wounds, and Tony had to bat at him with what little bit of his gloves the Cap had still spared clinging on. He thought back on it and shivered.

" TONY!" Bruce had practically gone green again, Tony realized he was being frustrating, but it wasn't like he was going to give in any time soon. He'd rather have the Hulk throw him out of this plane and make more wounds before they turned this ship around and tried to send him too a doctor.

" Brucey!" Tony responded, just as exasperated as he wiggled away, wincing and glowering all the while. Natasha set the course for his tower while staring rather suspiciously back at him, probably secretly plugging in the coordinates too the nearest hospital before she unbuckled herself and came bounding over her seat in a full rage. Tony slid back in his seat and made a noise of protest as she reared on him, eyes blazing in that vicious Russian way.

" Anthony!" She replied- shit. He was in trouble.

"_ Jarvis_-"

" Isn't going to get you outta this one, Stark." Cap replied almost breathlessly from his seat. He'd been utterly silent the whole time- hands clasped so roughly into fists over one another that his skin was stretched white. Tony felt confused for a moment- why did Cap look so serious? He had a Batman joke around there somewhere, but he kept it to himself and opted for something a little more situation appropriate.

" I'm not sorry." He blurted, shit. Why? He was going to say something else completely, why had that-

" That's the problem!" Steve yelled, his eyes blazing with rage and something Tony hadn't seen before. Tony felt as if he'd just been hit by a Hulk Steam roller, which, Banner had made a dive for his bruised and crushed chest, determined too see if his ribs were broken or not. But Tony had caught this right at the end, and batted away his hands, slipping out from under him completely and switching seats entirely. Bruce ended up almost face first into the seat, and it was at about that time he'd decided it was ample enough reason to give up, because he'd developed a small twitch in his neck. Clint came in from the hatch, eyeing Bruce with a wince.

" Tony, I swear. If you make him go all Green I'm going to throw BOTH of you off this ship- I, uh- No offense, big guy." Bruce paused and turned slowly to Clint, before bringing a hand up to his face and giving his usual nervous laugh with a light and small- if not forced- grin.

" That's all right. I'd probably throw me off this ship, too." He replied softly, slowly sauntering back to his seat with a small pout of dissatisfaction on his features. Tony found himself smiling softly at this- Oh, Bruce. How he simply was his most favourite of them all. Tony couldn't help it.

" Oh, Come 'on, Bruce-a-roo, don't be so hard on yourself. I mean, after all- green IS rather flattering on you." Bruce turned back to Tony and flashed him a sad and slightly uncomfortable grin. Tony loved it when he made things awkward for the man. He silently kept a mental note of every time he tried to make the man transform, and so far he'd been pretty much immune to everything he'd thrown Bruce's way. So far, nothing. But he was working on it.

" That's a nice thought, Tony, But I'm not too sure that the particular shade of green-"

" Don't encourage him." Natasha said softly. As angry as she was, she wasn't about to unleash Bruce's rage upon her beloved ship. She turned to face Tony- and Tony swore quietly. He'd hoped his little diversion would have worked a bit better.

" You need to stop this, Tony. You can't just do things on your own all the time. You are going to get yourself killed." Not that she cared much, or at least Tony was convinced she didn't care much for him, anyways. It would be a hassle to move the dead weight out of the suit, though. But Tony could fix that problem, too.

" Hey- there wasn't much time, and I had too-"

" You hung up on me."

" Yeah, but it was throwing things, and did you see the scratch it left after-"

" You had time to tell me."

" Its Tuesday!" He yelled, throwing his arms into the air, finally and utterly exasperated. Natasha looked like she was about to explode.

" What does that even mean-" Clint burst out into a fit of laughter and nearly choked when he saw the literal death glare she'd shot his way. He cleared his throat and straightened up where he stood, slowly making his way around her to his seat up front.

" Its hangover day." Natasha made a groan and yelled something- probably profane- in Russian before she turned to speak to Tony again. Oh, god. She was going to rip his head off and shove it right up his-

" Why?" A quiet voice piped up from the corner, and Tony turned his head to face the tuckered, blond and blue clad soldier.

" Because I like to get utterly intoxicated on Mondays. I HATE Mondays, and would rather face them with more than a few shots-"

"No." Steve seemed to take all of his self control as he ripped his hands out of the fist they'd been making and ran his fingers through his hair. If he could physically have seen the veins popping in frustration, Tony would have gladly pointed them all out-

" Why are you trying to kill yourself on purpose?" Silence. Tony felt his jaw drop and it hung there, suspended for a moment as he tried to regain himself. His eyes darted around, and the grim look in the room spoke to him just as clearly as if they had used words. That's why they were angry with him. That's the burning question that they had all wanted to ask, but couldn't muster up the guts. Of course Cap would be the one to break the ice. Tony instantly steeled himself and felt a glare slide down his eyelids.

" I'm not. But thanks ever so much for your concern, Capsicle. Much appreciated. Unfortunate, you can't spell 'Assuming' without the word ASS, and it seems too me as if you've suddenly decided you were going to be one. So that right there has thoroughly ended this conversation. Jarvis. " Jarvis let a beep fall from the speakers as the plane tilted slightly- they had made it back to the Tower- but instead of dropping on the hanger, Jarvis hijacked the system and opened the hatch. But before anyone could say or do anything, Tony was already on the roof of his building and Jarvis was already closing the hatch and steering the plane to its originally intended landing point.

So here Tony was, crashed on his couch on his top floor lounge. Sitting with a glass of hot Sake and trying to ignore the stabbing pains and limited movement he was having by picking up his universal remote and flipping the channels. He'd already locked all the top floors of the building- he was damn well going to have his hangover day, whether anyone enjoyed the fact or not. But still, his thoughts wandered.

Tried to kill himself. On a Tuesday. Preposterous. Never- not ever on a Tuesday. On purpose? Well, he DID have a slight lack of concern at the prospect of being crushed. And in fact, the only things that had crossed his mind as he was being crushed was the concept of not knowing what he had created last night. Which, regrettably, was now on the very final floor of his tower. Locked away in a rather messy workshop. Oh, wait. Jarvis probably had the cleaning bots take care of that hours ago. The sun was going down-, and Tony was surprised at how quickly the day had gone by, even with him having done absolutely nothing since he'd literally crashed down upon the couch. More over, where was Pepper? She hadn't called him. Or spoken too him, or even sent him an update in three days. Normally she'd call him on his Hangover day, hell- sometimes, if she was feeling nice, she'd bring him something hot and delicious to eat with a gigantic bottle of water to wash it down. But nothing- just a few quick texts about the company, and nothing more. Normally he would come home to find her here, in utter tears about how he'd been gone so long and she'd watched the whole thing on the news. About how he'd almost gotten himself killed, and how she wished he wouldn't be so reckless all the ti-

Okay, so MAYBE he had a bit of a bad habit of almost dying. But hey, that's what awesome heroes do. Right? Well, the point was, where was _Pepper_?

Wait. A more pressing thought came to mind.

" Jarvis- what's that muscle called, you know- the one that runs down your Abdomen and makes a V line? The External.. Obla—Ob.."

" The External Abdominal Oblique, Sir?" Jarvis inquired, and Tony threw his head back on the pillow. See? It had TOTALLY been on the tip of his tongue. He'd had it the whole time. It was just because he'd ben thrown around by a giant, mechanical insect is all.

" Yeah. That. Don't ask me why I wanna know. Carry on, Jarvis." Tony lifted his glass to his invisible friend, and Jarvis quickly pointed something out about the amount he'd already had to drink today. Perhaps he'd had more than one hot glass. More than one bottle, maybe. Hell, he'd lost count. But he didn't think anything of it, that is- until everything around him started going black.

Cap was over him again. He was back on the streets, and his chestplate was crushing him. He couldn't speak- hell- he could barely move, the pain was so much worse, he couldn't understand WHY. That's when he looked down, his Reactor had gotten damaged. His heart- he could feel those tiny little pieces of death slipping into his heart. Horror filled up the Billionaire, and he tried to speak, yell, say something. Anything. But Cap was just over him, with his mangled red gloves pressed against his chest, and his eyes deep with something Tony couldn't recognize. Tony wanted to scream as the last of his world seemed to fade away and the pain in his heart exploded-

The scene changed. Cap was on him- shit, why was he always there? Tony gasped and flailed, his suit of armor being torn off him yet again, and oxygen filled his lungs. He looked down desperately at his reactor, it was fine. Glowy and beautiful and _everything_. Tony let out a cry of joy as the pain lifted, and he looked up at Cap, Steve Rogers leaned down and slipped his hand roughly under Tony's head, grabbing the back of his neck and forcing his head upwards. Tony could feel his eye twitch and he opened his mouth to make a sound- but was ultimately thwarted. By a pair of dashing lips that had crashed into his own. Tony could feel his throat bark out in surprise as Cap deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into Tony's mouth and dipping that wet appendage along the edge of Tony's tongue.

' _Oh god, what the fuck-_' Tony thought. What the hell was this- Steve reached another hand around and tore off more of his suit, and before Tony had any say in the matter, he'd managed to get Tony down to his leggings and his boots. His clothes were all torn, and Steve pulled away for a moment, allowing Tony to actually get some air. But yet again, for the second time that night, Tony couldn't speak. Because the instant he was free he had to look away from Cap's face. And for some reason, his eyes darted right down to that Oblique. And _fuck _was it ever defined. It was like a fucking road- but better than a dirt road. Less hair and more muscle, and- Wait. Why was Tony even THINKING about that!? He nearly lifted his hand to his forehead and smacked it, if it wasn't for the fact that he felt his leg lift and something shuffle its way in-between. His eye twitched yet again, and he went to make another sound of protest, when those blue orbs were suddenly right in front of his brown ones, and Cap's hood was off. That chiseled jawline, those perfect cheek bones- those wonderfully plump eyelashes that made the ladies swoon at the sight of him- and something hard pressed against Tony's groin. Oh god, he wasn't going to look. He wasn't. He refused, this was the most fucked up thing that had ever-

He looked. Steve was pitching a hard tent that nearly inflated his entire lower half of his suit. Tony was at a loss for words. Why? Why was this happening, Steve pressed his fingers along Tony's chest, and for some reason it didn't feel at all like he'd bruised and cracked his ribs. Nope. It felt like cool, oddly soft fingers were trailing down his chest and dipping along into his pelvis, roughly sliding over his abs in the process. Tony's eyes were wide and his jaw was locked open, his eyes staring as Cap's free hand went to his waistband. It fiddled with the belt that held his pants up and made the suit look like it was a one piece, and Tony felt his breath quicken and his heart start to race. Wait- what, what was this, he didn't even-

" _Tony_." Cap had called his name many times that day, but never in his life had he called his name quite… quite like _that_. It was hot and heavy, and held a sort of rumbling moan to the end if it that sounded almost like he was trying to seduce him in the best, most wonderful ways possible. Wait, nope. That wasn't it. He was in a relationship with Pepper. He couldn't be seduced by another man, let alone the great Captain America himself, that just didn't make any sense- So why had Tony finally been allowed to make a sound, and why had that sound been a breathy groan that left his lips as Cap's hand finally trailed over his apparently hard cock? Wait. Since when did Tony get hard off of Captain freaking America? Tony moved his hand to try and push him off, but for some reason he wasn't in control of himself and apparently Cap was taking too long to get that stupid belt off. Tony's hand didn't go to push him off- instead it found its way down to Cap's groin, grabbing that tent and pressing his fingers into the hardened feel. Oh god, the outline- those pants were too tight on this man to begin with, but with all the swelling- every little line, every little dip, every long inch of the damn thing he could see just as clearly as if he had the fucking pants _off_. Tony felt his hips buck up into the blonde, and suddenly Tony wasn't so sure about anything anymore. It was like, he wanted to be inside that gorgeous, well mannered blond, but at the same time, he also wanted to feel what it was like to have the Captain inside-

Wait a second, Tony was straight.

Wasn't he? He didn't know anymore as he felt Steve press their erections together, fingering the tip of his cock as-

" _Steve_!" Something had woken him up. And apparently, it was the sound of his own voice as he moaned out the name of his current aggressor. Or at least, the name of the aggressor in his dream. He had been dreaming, he must have been. Because here he was, sprawled face down out on his couch, slipping partially off and staring at that ugly pillow he'd gotten for one of his birthdays by someone he was sure hated him. That, and he had spilled Alcohol on himself somehow, and had woken up yet again with a splitting headache and a parched throat. Tony was about to push himself up, but when he did, he felt the stickiness increase, and he had to nearly peel himself off the couch to do it, so instead he rolled over and let a cry of pain escape his lips as he felt his chest tighten around his cracked ribs. His vision went hazy- and he grunted painfully before he looked around.

Clint. Was staring right at him. With his mouth wide open and his eyes even wider. Tony felt fucking confused about this whole deal, so he had clearly neglected to notice he'd managed to have himself quite the wet dream, and the front of his pants held the proof to show for it. Okay. The hand came up to his forehead and slapped it, sliding down his face, and that's when he noticed the blood. Wait- since when had he been bleeding- the couch. It was stained with red, how long had he been bleeding? Why was it so fucking hot in here, and who had decided it was an awesome idea to make the world spin a little faster than usual? Still. How long had Clint been standing there?

" I'm telling Steve." Clint said, shock making him unconsciously speak his thoughts aloud. Tony felt his heart pitter with panic.

" What-" His voice was a slur, and he tried to stand up, but Clint threw a hand upwards in some sort of stop motion.

" You'd be a really great traffic officer." Tony blurted, it felt as if he was still drunk. And knowing him, he probably was. Though the sun had come up, so it couldn't be that bad of a carry over.

" Uh- Just, stay here and- Fuck, Tony! What the fuck did you do to yourself? Seriously, this is fucked up. Stay where- just, don't move a muscle. Jarvis? Tell me if he moves a muscle. I'll be right back." Clint turned gravely and sprinted out the door, and Tony looked down a bit, trying to figure out where it was that all the blood had come from. Wait- his glove was still on? And there was glass littered everywhere, he'd… He'd been holding his glass when he'd fallen asleep. He glanced down at his chest- was that a shard of glass sticking out if it? Oh god, he must have passed out, rolled over, and squeezed the glass when he'd had that horrible dream about his reactor and ended up breaking it. It was a small piece of glass, and it was probably only a flesh wound, but he had other shards sticking out from his abs as well, and a few cuts. That had probably been the cause of so much blood but-

Fuck. After their conversation last night.

**Oh no.**

This was going to be the _biggest_ misunderstanding of all time.


	2. Jarvis I SWEAR

Okay. He could explain this. He'd just, you know- tell them the truth for once. Instead of making up a big, extravagant lie, he'd probably just tell them the truth. Which was usually the opposite of what he normally did in situations like these. Not that he'd ever accidentally managed to stab himself in his sleep this horribly badly before, but hell. It was still a good excuse- so in his partially drunken and pained haze, Tony slid his fingers along his chest, removing the shards of glass with practiced ease and an annoyance that was just as hardened.

" Jarvis, who told you that you could unlock the top three levels?" Tony mumbled out, and Jarvis replied with a curt response.

" My Emergency code, Sir. It was activated the moment I received the information of your low vital signs." Tony furrowed his brows.

" _Fantastical_. What did you do then?" Tony wasn't sure why he'd asked, he already knew the answer.

" I informed Mr. Barton, who was training on the upper floors at the time, and happened to be the closest to your present location."

" Sometimes I ask myself why I built you, Jarvis." Tony mumbled wearily, trying to adjust himself to that he could get at the glass without disturbing his ribs.

" As do I, Sir."

Tony snorted a small laugh and couldn't help but find a grin come up on his now fuzzy and unshaven lips. Oh, that's why he created Jarvis. Tony sighed as he pulled out the last little chunk that he could see, examining the wounds with what little accuracy his blurry eyes could. Definitely just flesh wounds.

" Tony?" A quiet voice chimed in from the doorway, and Tony looked up to see a timid and highly concerned looking Bruce. Rather disheveled, too. And he seemed to be in a droopy shirt that made the skinny scientist look all the more tiny.

" Clint got you out of bed?" Tony inquired, and Bruce nodded. Tony pursed his lips- Bruce needed his man sleep. What if he went all diva on them after getting a shitty night's sleep? Tony pictured a big, Hulky green guy with a massive amount of red lipstick on and shuddered violently.

" The _nerve_." Tony said, sounding utterly disgusted, though mostly from the mental image that just ran through his once again water starved brain. Bruce seemed to look genuinely appreciative of this and shrugged his shoulders as he walked towards Tony cautiously.

" Its not a big deal if its an emergency." Oh, right! RIGHT!

" I fell asleep with a glass of Sake again." Was all Tony blurted and Bruce paused where he stood, pressing his lips to form a contemplative line. Then, after a few moments of observation and silence, Bruce shot him a small, gentle grin and flashed the glass of water he'd been holding. Tony choked on himself almost violently and Bruce gave a small jump, hurrying over.

" Its true." Tony continued- his eyes nearly watering at the sight of that magical water.

" I believe you." Bruce said, finally crossing over to the couch and handing him that beauty.

" What? Great. Wonderful. Now go on and tell everyone. I don't feel like talking to anyone today- or even doing anything." He paused, greedily grabbing that glass and gulping it down. It was so wonderful, so delicious and... wait. Wait a second. Tony wasn't sure water was supposed to have that taste. He was sure it wasn't really supposed to taste like anything at all. And it certainly wasn't supposed to taste like… Tony dropped the glass, and it crashed to the floor. Luckily it had been made of a sturdier and thicker glass, else it probably would have broken. Tony shot a hurt and perturbed look at Bruce- and Bruce shot him a look of utter misery back.

" I'm really, REALLY sorry, Tony. Natasha made me do it. She said it was for your own good. Look, I'm sorry, okay? Food after you get out of the Hospital? What do you say, Tony? Sound like a plan?" Tony's vision started blanking, along with his mind. Damn that woman and her excessive knowledge of sedatives and drugging men into slumber. Tony had trained himself to identify all sorts of drugs and poisons rather rigorously. He'd even sent Pepper into quite a few tizzies when he had, and even though he could pick out any type of sedative and drug there was still no contesting with Natasha Romanoff. If that woman wanted to knock out a man, she'd damn well do it, and even the _president_ would never see it coming.

So it was no surprise at all when the world faded again and Tony slipped out of consciousness.

* * *

Bruce came back down the stairs looking like a kicked puppy, and Steve distinctly remembered feeling a slight pause in his hyper active panic state to feel sympathy for him. Whilst not many people really bothered to deal with Tony's antics as a real friend, Bruce on the other hand was more than willing to offer up that status. Steve couldn't imagine what it was like- what if he'd had to secretly drug Bucky for his own good? But then again, if it meant saving his life that day, Steve would do it without an ounce of question. However, he'd probably come back down the stairs looking just as miserable. So even though Steve had his hands balled into fists so hard he could feel his nails digging into his skin, he released his death grip and gave him a quick and comforting pat on the shoulder. Bruce sent him a small, if not fake smile, and then mumbled something about going back to bed before he leveled the place. So Steve stepped aside, and took in a deep breath. Natasha and Clint made their way back to Tony- dragging three star struck paramedics in tow. Steve glanced back at them, and saw the jaw of the youngest male drop at the sight of this. Steve held back a wince and instead shot him one of his award winning and heart fluttering smiles. If the kid could get any more distracted, he'd end up tripping on his own two shoes as he tried to enter the elevator for quicker entrance to the top floor. Steve felt his momentary distraction fade as he watched those strange electronic doors close again.

" I don't know if we should have given him a micky." Steve half mumbled to himself and Nick raised an eyebrow from the corner. Yes, Mr. Fury was here. No, he was not pleased a single ounce that his routine inspection happened upon something as incredibly disappointing as once again losing control of Mr. Stark. Bruce, who was about half way out the door, caught the curious expression on Nick's face. He responded back with a small and genuine grin.

" A drugged drink. Now a days a _Mickey_ is a reference to alcohol, Captain." Steve opened his mouth to speak, but then suddenly got confused, and shut it before he could say anything with a grim nod. Why had things changed so much? Seriously, a micky finn was a glass of drugged liquids used to knock someone out cold. Everybody knew that. Or at least, he thought everybody knew that. Fury nodded quietly, as if holding back every ounce of his rage for when Tony ended up waking once again. That reminded him.

" Tony.." He mumbled under his breath- half in rage and half in worry.

" Leave him to me." Fury said immediately, and Steve lifted a hand to his forehead in utter frustration and sighed. Yes, he'd leave all that to Fury. Considering Steve wasn't even wearing anything decent. He'd heard the commotion Clint was making with Natasha and came running, thinking something had gone awry out in the city again. He'd just been getting ready- his choice of casual wear today being a light blue dress shirt and some brown slacks, he'd had his shirt only half buttoned up and his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth when he'd arrived.

" Go wake up Bruce." Natasha had said immediately, rushing to grab a glass from the kitchen and returning with a small packet of strange powder.

" What's that?" Steve asked, having overheard the majority of the story via the loud panicking from Clint.

" Nothing." She replied rather sweetly from her spot near the counter, and flashed Steve her eyelashes as she ripped the packet open and lightly tapped some into the water. Steve hadn't believed her, but Clint shot him a look that said 'Don't Ask', so he kept his protests to himself. But not even a second after Clint had sent him THAT look, he came back with something new- a wide grin that took up his whole face and deviousness that practically leaked out of his eyes. Steve was utterly blown away by a change so sudden and drastic that he'd fallen silent and managed to finish brushing his teeth. The rest had been so jumbled that he'd forgotten to button up the last little bit of his shirt and actually tie his tie. He shook the thoughts from his head and decided it was always better to panic in silence. Alone. Till everyone was ready to head out to the hospital, that is.

(( Timeu- Skippu-. O uob ))

* * *

Steve harrumphed a little as he flopped down in the visitor's chair beside Tony's bed. He stared down at the disheveled man- the Doctors had tried to clean him up as much as they could. But he had dried bits of blood attached to his chest and neck still, and a spot of blood that made the normally bright and vivacious blue glow of his reactor give off an almost sickly color. Steve didn't like it- not one bit. It made him shiver- but the steady rise and fall of Tony's chest made Steve relax a small bit. At least he was in the hospital now. And they'd even managed to get a private room on an upper floor so as to not cause a commotion amongst the other patients. Because as much as Steve hated to admit it, people tended to go pretty nuts when Tony was involved. The Captain lifted his fingers to his throbbing headache and tried to calm himself down. He'd been having a fit since yesterday. Well, ever since Tony nearly crushed himself and made Steve listen to him choke via his earpiece. Those sounds- the sound of Tony gasping out for breath, that horribly sickening crunch of metal against metal- no. Steve bit back the bile in the back of his throat and swallowed hard. He had to stop thinking about that. He hadn't slept much last night, and now that this whole ordeal had happened- well. Steve was about ready to drop. So the muscular man slipped back in his chair and pulled his arms over his chest, resting his chin against his collarbone and closing his vividly blue eyes for a moment. He'd just rest. He wouldn't sleep. No- he'd be awake to make sure nothing would happen. He'd be there to keep this self-destructive man in this bed till those doctors said he was allowed to leave. Even if it meant putting Tony back to sleep the harder and more physical way. Or at least, that's what Steve had TOLD himself as he drifted into slumber.

Oh gosh. It was happening again- that _dream_. Why did he always have it? Steve felt dread fill his body like it normally did- it was a scene that he'd gone through so many times, yet he couldn't control the feelings any better than the first time he'd started having this particular dream. Worry filled his guts as he tapped his fingers on the elevator doors, his mind teeming with assumptions as the small 'dings' of the floors counted away. How long would he have to wait to get down there? It was always the wait that he hated the most. If anything else, it was the fact that he had to sit here in this stupid electronic device and worry that the reason why Tony hadn't shown up for almost a week now wasn't because he'd died. Alone. Down there in the dark, surrounded by strange contraptions and—he felt his fist ball up like it always did. Dangit, why couldn't this thing go any faster-

_Ding_. The sound made Steve jump- and the door opened to an all so familiar scene. Or at least, Steve had thought it would. Instead, however, this time had decided to be apparently different. Normally his dream would go like this; he would wait and wait for what seemed like an eternity, worry filling the very core of himself as he did. Then those stupid doors would open, and the dark room would only be slightly lit- the only light that illuminated the room was the light from his strange floating screens and the blue of his reactor. Tony would be sitting, no- _sprawled _out on his workbench. Normally Tony would have a hand on his chest- resting just by the light of his reactor, while the other hand was down by his waistband. His back would be arched up against something- it looked like a wall, but it couldn't have been a wall, since his bench was an island. But Steve's mind sometimes did funny things- like dream up Tony Stark sitting on his bench with his fingers sliding up and down his clothed groin, his eyes half lidded and his mouth partially open. His beard was a bit fuzzier than usual and his hair was all mussed up- he'd been down here a long time. And at this point Tony would look up at Steve through those dark lashed of his and a smirk would appear on his lips. One corner would rise higher than the other, and his bottom lip would curl lightly as he bit down on it. Tony would look down at himself, his eyes fluttering as he glazed down at.. that.. that _spot _between his legs, and he would cock his head to the side as he'd look up and just ever so slightly let that lower lip of his slip out from in between his teeth. Steve would lose it then- that's how it always went. But this time it was.. different.

Tony had his suit on. Steve's eyes widened and his heart fluttered- he'd asked Jarvis earlier that day how to get the damn thing off of Tony so that he could get the man to breathe again. Never had he imagined that his mind would use it against him in such a manner as he watched Tony do that.. that _thing_ with his lip again as his suit started to release and fall off of him. Oh jeepers- _why._ Why was this happening? First his chest plate popped and revealed that chest of his, and Steve realized that he wasn't wearing anything underneath. That's when he felt a familiar tingle form in between his own legs- and he got a bit squirmy where he stood. For some reason he could never walk away- physically he couldn't. So when the pieces started to fall off one by one, and that jock point gave a quick 'Click' and a hissing sound Steve couldn't even make his eyes close. He knew what was coming next- Tony's fingers slipped into the gap that the release lever had made, pressing his fingers right onto the tip of his-

"…Captain?" Steve nearly jumped out of his chair as he was suddenly shaken from his dream by the wispy sound of a petite effeminate voice.

" Pepper?" He choked, straightening in his chair as he tried to re-collect himself. He looked over at her and nearly let his jaw drop in shock- she looked as if she'd just been through the ringer. He hair was up in a messy bun, and her normally wrinkle free dress seemed as if she might have worn it for more than one day. He eyes were red from what was most likely crying, and her face was worn and grave. Steve thought she must have just gotten off of her flight- a long one, by the looks of it. She'd probably been worrying to death about Tony-

Oh. Right. He should probably stop having _racy _dreams about her lover. Steve took one look from her to the sleeping Mr. Stark and nodded curtly, standing up and taking his leave. He'd have to go and have a cold shower- if anyone could keep that man firmly planted where he was, Steve trusted Pepper the most. Steve should feel relieved- he'd be able to get some actual sleep and maybe get something productive done after that.

So why was it that he felt so…so _disconcerted_ over her appearance?

* * *

It had been a couple of hours at the most. Steve had gotten back to the Tower, entered his refreshingly forties style room, and went back to have his second shower for the day. Mostly because he needed to eradicate a rather large problem he'd developed in his nether regions. Steve scolded himself over and over- how could he dream of something so.. so… _filthy_? He shuddered at the thought as he climbed off his motorcycle, slipping to the floor with an almost ungraceful flop. He sniffed a bit, rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand and glowering from behind his sunglasses. His leather jacket felt hot against the sun as he stared up at the hospital with a frown. Something had drawn him back- he didn't even know what it was. But something about the look in Peppers eyes- it was either the immense guilt he'd felt about having his repetitive dreams about Mr. Stark, or there was something seriously up. And it had bothered Steve so much that directly after he'd finished getting ready all over again he'd left. He'd donned on something a little bit more comfortable, however, and sighed heavily as he lumbered up those steps for the second time today. He grumbled to himself- staring down at that strange device Natasha had given him before he left. She'd told him to press the green button if something went wrong, then press the number one, and it would somehow connect to her.

Steve shook his head at it- half in horror, half in annoyance. Everything was like some sort of alien device- and while he could normally tolerate it on any other day, today was not looking so grand for him. So when he strode into that waiting room wearing a grim and rather somber look, it was no wonder that the receptionist blinked in surprise. Steve went through the long process of identifying himself, producing ID, which- he'd accidentally pulled out his old ID- from back when everything wasn't ever in color. And the lady had sent him this surprised look before she politely asked him to see something a little more.. current. Steve had glanced up rather sheepishly and apologized as he pulled out the ID SHIELD had produced for him. She looked it over for no more than half a second before she finally approved him, and Steve was feeling more and more anxious as the whole scene unfolded. Why was this bugging him so badly? He practically bolted up those stairs as he made his way to the top floor. He never really liked taking the elevators, now a days they all made noises. That and ever since he started having that stupid dream- Steve finally made it up the stairs and switched from an almost desperate stride into a quick sprint. Which, for him, was a devastating burst of speed that nearly sent the elderly man sitting on one of the visiting benches into a heart attack. So it was no big shock when he slammed into Tony's room so hard that he ended up accidentally cracking the door and bending the handle inwards by how hard his fingers were clenching.

But when Steve walked into that room, well, crashed would be more like it- his sudden burst of anxiety seemed justified.

He grabbed at that strange device so fast he nearly broke the damn thing as he pressed the little green button and dialed the one.

".. Steve, Steve- calm _down_, Captain." Natasha threw her hand up to her forehead as she roughly stood up from her seat and pushed the male agent who was standing and conversing with one of her so called 'coworkers' of SHIELD aside. He was in her way, and Natasha wasn't in any sort of mood. If the Captain was throwing a fit this hard- well, something seriously wrong must have happened.

"… _He's gone. _" Steve choked from the other end, and Natasha heard something that sounded like metal being cracked, and she new Cap was probably breaking something. Clint was beside her and had already tapped into the phone call, but wasn't going to connect to it any time soon. Cap was probably freaked out enough about using the cell phone, let alone having more than one person connected to the call at once. It had taken weeks for them to get Cap used to the comm link, but cellphones were a bit of a phobia for the man. She froze, realizing who and what exactly he'd been talking about.

" Where?" She groaned, and Steve let out a noise form the back of his throat that sounded like a mixture of laughter and exasperation.

" Out the window."

" That hospital is ten stories high—" She paused, and her eyes widened as she slapped her forehead.

" They didn't take off the wrist bands, did they?" Tony's wrist bands. His new remote control for his suit. Natasha had been aware that he'd had more than one suit available to him at all times, but this was still ridiculous.

" Didn't I tell them to take them off?" She hissed into the phone, and Clint winced from the violence in her voice.

" You did." Steve mumbled in response, and Natasha was sure he'd just realized he'd broken the door handle beyond repair.

" Send the bill to SHIELD." She mumbled quickly.

" Don't worry- we'll find him. Just sit tight- I'll be right there." She was just about to hang up when Cap halted her completely yet again.

" Pepper was here." He blurted so suddenly that Natasha's mouth fell wide.

" Miss Potts?" She clarified, and the low mumble from Steve told her that she was right.

"Is she still there?" Concern instantly filled her to the brim.

" No." He replied so quietly that Natasha flicked her fingers towards Clint, and Clint automatically set to trying to contact Pepper via his own cellphone.

" We're on it, Captain. Please refrain from leaving the premises until we arrive. Romanoff out." She had to sound professional now. Because if she didn't, Steve would throw a fit. And when Steve Rogers threw a fit, more than a few walls would get knocked out in the process.

Of course if he ever DID get mad and break something, he'd always be beating himself up about it.

* * *

_It all happened so fast. _Like, fuck sakes people. Dinner and a movie first. If Bruce drugging him hadn't been enough, they had to stick him in this muggy, sweaty, death filled place that smelled far too much of old people and indecent disease control. With sanitizer. Lots and lots of sanitizer. Tony had been so pissed when he had woken up that he hadn't even noticed that Pepper was sitting in the far corner of the room. He'd just opened his eyes, wiggled around a fuckton, glowered up at the ceiling and started tearing off whatever monitors were attached to him. He was thinking up a few good ways to get back at absolutely everyone through the gut wrenching pain of his movements, when an almost offended cough from the corner of the room caused him to freeze and look back down instantly.

" Pep-" He called out, breathlessly. Oh, god. Was she ever a sight for sore eyes- not that she looked much better than him at the moment, but Tony figured she'd looked a little ruffled when she came in next. Especially since they hadn't spoken in a while. Perhaps she was just a bit busy with the company? Tony never counted conversations about the company as actual conversations. So the fact that they hadn't talked in so long- Tony immediately stopped pulling at his monitors- hell, he'd even gone so far as to politely put one back on while not losing eye contact.

Maybe if he moved really slow she wouldn't notice that he'd already taken them off-

" Tony, I can see you."

_Foiled again.  
_

Tony smiled like a drunkard and sent her a cocky grin.

" But Pep, that's the best part—"

She was quiet. And the look on her face told Tony that she wanted him to be quiet, too. Something was up.

" Pepper?" He inquired, his voice cracking just a little bit. She hadn't been this serious in a very. _Very _long time.

" Tony just. Just don't." She stopped him before he could even start. Okay, now he was getting a little wiggly again.

" Pepperony—" He tried to coo, but she threw her arms up to her face and clenched so hard that her knuckles turned white.

" Tony. Really. Stop."

" Pep, you okay? Looks like you could use a break- go into my shirt pocket, I've got a Kit Kat-" His joke wasn't received too well as Pepper groaned and threw her head into her hands.

" I'm getting really, REALLY tired of seeing you like this." She replied curtly, and Tony shifted where he sat. Sure, he was probably more rugged now than ever. And he really needed to shave- plus he'd been covered in a SMALL amount of blood, and he was back to lying in a hospital bed. But he was TONY STARK. He was pretty sure he could handle himself. He shifted where he was though, and he almost felt his expression mimic hers.

" Like what? I'm fine. Top of my game. Sure, it's a bit of a hangover, but I figure if I pay them enough money they'll-" Pepper lifted her hand up and stood, not taking a step away from her seat however, and Tony suddenly felt a little sick.

" Tony, I think. I think I need to take a break for a while."

" What?"

" I said I need a break, Tony. From this," She motioned to the hospital room, " From ALL of this." Her hand gesture came to rest in Tony's direction, and Tony felt his jaw drop.

" I'm not saying I'm leaving you for good, Tony. I'm just saying that right now I think I need to just get away for a while. Besides- its not like you've ever considered anything to be really _exclusive_ anyways." The finality and annoyance in her tone indicated the REAL reason for her sudden change in behavior, and Tony groaned openly.

" Pep, I was intoxicated-"

" You're always intoxicated." She retorted.

" I didn't know what I was doing-"

" You say that every time." There was true hurt in her voice this time, and Tony found it hard to suddenly try to explain the photo's floating around of him and that waitress at that expensive party last week.

" There haven't been a lot of times since you and I have been-"

" One time makes more than enough 'times', Tony." Peppers jaw set and Tony suddenly found himself exasperated. Why couldn't she just accept him for who he was? He wasn't ever allowed to do anything anymore. But it wasn't like he was going to say that out loud, ever.

" Pepper, please-" She shook her head and picked up her bags, partially mumbling under her breath as she strode towards the door.

" I've already gotten my things. Like I said, it's just for now- but please Tony. Try not to make things any worse than they already are, okay? And for the love of my sanity, please take care of yourself. I've booked you off for a week. Please take the time to think, and REST, Tony. You need it." Suddenly this was bout HIM getting better, was it? He was so confused right now- if it wasn't for the fact that he was utterly defeated right now on every single level he would have stood up and left the room first. He watched her leave and as she shut the door behind her Tony felt like he wanted to scream. He lifted a hand to punch the nearest piece of expensive medical equipment before a glint caught his eye. Oh. They forgot.

How convenient of them.

It took all of ten minutes for Tony to remove the last of the monitors that had been attached to him and get himself propped by the window. Sure, he was hurting like all hell, everything stung and burned as he moved, but he could think of a million things that would make the pain go away and a good majority of the possibilities ended with Mr. Jack Daniels. But there were no bottles of Jack in the hospital, so he'd have to make due. He pulled himself up on the windowpane, considering he'd already popped the glass with some rather strategic- actually he'd just propped it open enough for him to get out. There wasn't much room, and it hurt like hell to wiggle himself through that space, but the scruffy dark haired man managed a small noise of victory as he launched himself out that window. Which was abruptly replaced by a loud sound of surprise. Oh, right. The whole falling part. He could never get used to it. But he'd called Jarvis to deploy the damn suit at least five minutes ago. Still, three floors passed and he was almost beginning to panic. Till those wondrous red lasers locked onto his wrists. And at that moment he was golden.

Now if only that golden moment could have lasted, because Tony was pretty sure he'd managed to accidentally pass out while flying- not that it really mattered much, of course Jarvis would take over for Autopilot. And it wasn't like Jarvis couldn't guess where Tony was going, anyways. Jarvis was good like that. But still, that indecent ringing in his ears was never a good thing, and Tony mumbled something for the alarm to shut off.

" Sir, we're down to only about ten percent power-"

" You've already deployed the jet?" Tony asked, half asleep, as he was still being jolted out of his miniature coma.

" Naturally, Sir. But, Might I advise that Mister Happy has-"

" You've got to be _shitting_ me right now, Jarvis."

" No, sir. He quite insisted."

" He's on the jet?"

" Yes sir. I've told him nothing of your current.._situation._" Tony groaned, then decided he'd look down to check and see where he was- oh god.

" Jarvis- you… _you took the shortcut_." Tony was horrified- there was nothing but blue ocean from far as the eye could see.

" The last coordinates you've given me were programmed with the quickest route available, which happens to be passing over the-"

" North Atlantic, yeah, FANTASTIC Jarvis. God, I swear, one of these days-" The alarm rang a little bit more frivolously in his ear and Tony snarled to himself as he lowered power on the propulsion systems.

" This is one of my prototypes, Jarvis- Ugh, how long till Happy gets here?"

" About ten more minutes, Sir."

" _Balls._" He wasn't in the mood to fly anything sarcastic or witty at the moment. And that word just about summed it up as his altitude started to drop dramatically.

" Tell him to run that girl as fast as she goes, Jarvis-"

" Already on it, Sir."

" You know this is a love hate relationship, right? Because if you-"

" Six percent power remaining."

" Oh, Oh this is SO awesome." He was going to lose his biscuits. All of them. In about fifteen seconds, because his flight usually took up all his power.

But wait. There's more. Ladies and gentleman, what lies beyond door number one isss~

**A PROTOTYPE THAT DEVOURS POWER LIKE THOR DEVOURS BREAKFAST.**

" _Yaaaaay_-" Tony yelled sarcastically to himself as his suit started flashing and glitching. And what was behind door number two?

A long, agonizingly painful and rough fall to his watery death~! Yup. That sounds about right. Tony closed his eyes, and for the second time in less than a few days he did not care for a single second that he was going to die. Maybe he cared about the searing pain that the wind resistance of the fall was putting him through with his broken ribs, but other than that? No. But, he could safely say, that for the second time this week, the one and only thought before he fell was-

" Jarvis, what the hell did I make the other night—" The ocean was coming up on him fast, and his breath got caught under the sudden rush of pressure. Damn the fact that the closer you got to the earth the more pressure there was- there was… Engine. An engine—Rotors, and—Tony put the last bit of power he had left into slowing down his fall. If he could just—just a little slower-

_Tunk_. Annndd- he was out again.

* * *

" Mister Stark? Hey, Tony- TONY, hey- Wake up buddy, buddy, wake up- PLEASE _don't make me do CPR_-"

" GUAAHHGH!" Tony jolted up from where he was, chest heaving and searing with pain as he stared viciously over at Happy. Happy, wait-

" Happy! Oh god, you perfect, divine, amazingly wonderful, fantastically fantastic-"

" You just don't want me to technically kiss you."

" For the LOVE. Of my sanity. _Please don't._" The big man grinned widely down at Tony, and for a split second the worry almost left his eyes.

" Good to see you're doing alright there, Mister Stark. Erm, I mean- that is to say… you are doing alright there,_ right_?" Tony looked out the window and finally registered that he'd been taken out of his suit and it was probably charging on his external power source he'd thrown together on his jet. He also realized that he and his old, good friend Happy were now alone, and that Pepper had left him. If only for a week. He couldn't speak for a moment- but when he looked back from that window and down at the reclined chair he was lying in, he couldn't help but let everything horrible that had happened to him spill out from between his lips like a god damned flood.

" So…" Happy said finally, looking as dumbfounded as ever. " He thought you tried to kill yourself?" He quipped, a look of horror on his face.

" Yep." Tony said- he finally managed to convince Happy to hand him that drink halfway through his story, and it most definitely got easier to tell with every glass.

" But.. But don't they know that you have a habit of passing out with a-"

" Nope."

Happy groaned and brought his fingers up to his face- shock still emanating through his features and Tony almost managed a smile.

" And Pepper, Pep, she just-" Tony choked on his glass slightly.

" Yep." He said roughly, trying to reclaim his breath.

" Jeeze, Stark- I'd tell you it wasn't your fault, but-"

"- it is? Yeah. I know, Happy. Well aware. One hundred percent aware. But this. You know, this? All this? Stays between you and me. I worked hard to remove all those tracking and GPS tools SHIELD had on this stupid thing and I'm damn well _not_ talking to any of those capes in tights, you got me?" Happy grumbled something about being loyal to his boss for all these years, and Tony smiled faintly. Good- he didn't feel like talking to anyone. That's why they were going where they were going.

" California?" Happy asked, " Isn't that a bit obvious? I mean, you're trying to hide, right? Why California? You only have like, six summer homes, and three offices, and,"

" Ah. But that's just it, isn't it? They'll look everywhere. Except for the place that we're REALLY going." Happy looked confused for a second and sent Tony a curious look.

" Uh.. then where are we REALLY going..?"

" The one place I never told anybody about." He sipped another bit of his drink and smirked faintly at his old friends continuous confusion.

".. A _museum_?" Happy snorted as they stalked up the steps to the old building. Tony smiled faintly, but again, it was forced.

" Correction, an old Army base."

" _A base._"

" Yes. A base. For Munitions and arms."

" And what are we-"

" My dad took me here, once. When I was little. He said that the ever famous and _perfect_ little Golden Boy Mister Captain America stayed here with him for a bit back in the day. Said he had some of his arms training here, said that he worked with him here for a bit. Dad bought the place out a little while after that. But I sold it- I hated the place. It was stuffy, old, and it smells like rotting metal and unaccomplished American dreams." Happy went silent for a few minutes- Tony HATED talking about his father. And if he was here, then obviously that mean that Tony was a lot more not okay than Happy previously thought. But he knew better than to corner the man about it.

" You don't own something?" He said, genuine surprise in his voice. " That's new. Tony Stark DOESN'T own something. I tell ya, they should make THAT the newest headlines instead of-" Happy cut himself short, and Tony paused with a hand over that old, beat up railing.

"… Instead of what?"

" Uh, you know. Just the usual stuff I guess." Tony didn't even want to know, so he didn't ask. Not even over the next few hours, which were spent just roaming the halls of the old museum and sneaking in drinks whenever he could. He didn't know why he was spending all his time here- he could have left an hour ago, they'd probably checked California's possibilities high and low. But that wasn't why he was here. Something had been bugging him, and this was the only place he could remotely stop to make himself think about it.

_Cap._

Why had he dreamt about such a thing? The thought was driving him crazy. Tony didn't like men. He didn't- he was ALL over the girls. So why was his childhood hero leaning over him like that, pressing his thumbs into- Nope. Wait, nope. The car ride to the hotel room was DEFINITELY not the right place to get a stiffy. Seriously- but why would he even GET one when thinking about this, really? Tony had left the building without even realizing it, having been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn't even noticed when happy dragged his ass back out to the car. But now he was noticing, because now he was fighting with himself in both a physical aspect AND a mental aspect. Seriously though- what the fuck-

" Still kicking?" Happy quipped from the front to make sure Tony hadn't passed out from alcohol consumption yet.

" Shut up and drive." He called back with another almost grin. But really, he was falling apart. And why was it, exactly, that when he was utterly broken after Pepper had left him, the only thing he could think about was Steve? That, and that stupid cube- What.

WHAT WAS THAT DAMNED THING-

_Scrreeech_. A slow but agonizing hault. Tony didn't even wait for Happy to get out and open the door- Tony already had his just-in-case hat on and was flying down the entranceway by the time Happy came around the side of the car. He needed that Hotel room now. Tony didn't even bother to check in properly. He just looked at the woman and told her he'd ordered the penthouse suite whilst lifting his hat to reveal a bit more of his face. She looked at him with shock before she nodded, handed him the key, and he bolted up those stairs like a mad man. Good thing it was getting close to midnight. He wiggled around in that stupid elevator as if his life depended on it, and flew out the doors before they were even finished opening. He fumbled with his keys for a minute, but didn't even pause once that little green light came on and the door handle allowed movement. He slammed that door over and headed into that bathroom so fast he made himself dizzy. He fell to the floor of the bathroom, locking it behind him and crawling his way to the toilet. Was he going to throw up, or wasn't he? Was he going to cry, or was he going to break something? All of this- the past two days.

Fuck- Tony REALLY hated Tuesdays. He was all messed up. He was going to snap- he was… he was going to-

His hand wandered down to his legs and he threw his back against the wall on the other side of the toilet- wait. Tony bit his bottom lip and looked down in his drunken stupor.

He had an _erection_? Tony couldn't help but groan- well, he'd have to damn well take care of this, now wouldn't he? At least before Happy came barging in to make sure Tony wasn't choking on himself.

* * *

" Thanks-" Steve mumbled underneath his breath as he glanced up at that Hotel room- if Happy hadn't been so kind as to contact him, he'd still be out running around the country like a mad man. It had taken him hours to get there- but Happy was in such a flustered state that he had to at least contact someone. And for some reason Pepper was- apparently- completely out of the question. So Steve glanced over at a grim looking Happy as he made his way to the door, swiping that key and expecting the _worst_.


End file.
